Am I destined to be lonely? Do I pick the wrong men? Why am I still single?
Yesterday I read on Salon.com a story, contemporary story about relationships:
"I believe that I have lost my ability to trust my judgments on relationships. However, I still believe in love, and I have not given up all hope.
Here is the situation: I am 33 and single yet again after another failed relationship..."
And there was a whole story of a number of failed relationships, for variety of reasons.
In response to the story, advice followed:
"What is your reason for seeking a man? It may sound like a dumb question but ... Is it to have children and raise a family? To avoid loneliness? To feel relaxed and confident in your world? To enjoy sex? To demonstrate your value and attractiveness to others? To keep pace with your friends?
Perhaps with your therapist you can dwell on these questions long enough to see some specific and detailed answers emerge.
This might help you in several ways. For one thing, it can help you see exactly what you are losing when a man goes away. And so it can help you think how to replace those specific things that he was providing. If he was providing sex, for instance, and you miss the sex, then you can set about trying to find more sex. If the ache you feel is loneliness, then perhaps you need the company of others. If you feel wounded or betrayed, then perhaps you can work on that woundedness, exploring it, asking, Is it anger toward him, is it shock at how I have been treated?
So rather than suggest how you might better find and maintain another relationship, my approach is more to explore the various aspects of having a man and see how having a man is connected to your larger life aspirations."
Basically, think and see who you are first, be complete and then seek a relationship.
I loved how similar idea was put in Zoe's blog, some extracts:
The word to look out for this century is partnership. We are changing the love of necessity for the love of desire. I like and desire company, but I do not need it - this is very different.
They [people] are starting to realise that they feel a fraction, but are whole.
The other, with whom you create a link, also feels a fraction. He is not the prince or the saviour of anything. He is only a companion on a journey.
A new form of love, or more love, has a new features and meaning.
It aims for the coming together of two wholes, and not the union of two halves.
And this is only possible for those who manage to work on their individuality.
The more an individual is capable to live alone, the more prepared s/he will be for an affectionate relationship.
Everyone should spend some time alone every now and again, to establish an inner dialogue and discover your personal force.
Is it so? Does that explain?
It does on a broader scale (not in all cases), I guess (or what do u think?). And gives, in a way, a new (more relaxed?) perspective/meaning to the relationship status. Especially if you are 33 and single.
I'm 28 and single and my parents definitely think I should be rather concerned:)